I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
