I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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