Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
