I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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