I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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