Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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