I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
two words...techno handjob
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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