I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
