with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
