My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
