Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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