I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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