she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
