I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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