I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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