Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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