none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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