Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
