We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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