I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
