my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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