Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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