ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
