Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
