Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had to cum in my sink.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
