Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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