dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
