I'm really into asian looking animals
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my poor anus
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize