would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
