oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His nipple licking is glorious
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