'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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