I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it glows. i had to have it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
