When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
