In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am naked and annoyed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
