oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
