you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
