There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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