Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
