Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
