I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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