I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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