If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
