dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
