You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
