I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
