i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
