wrigley field is MILF paradise
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
