i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
