my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
