you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
