he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
