We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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