He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
