The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
