It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
