it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
