It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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